4 tips for getting louder and more loving
He always likes to throw dirty clothes on the bathroom floor after bathing, and he always accuses your new clothes of being a luxury waste.
Almost all couples are arguing over such trivial matters.
No couple does not quarrel, this is the experience of all “come here”, but some couples quarrel and lose each other, and finally have to wave and say “bye bye”; some couples can become more noisy and love each other, run into understanding in the quarrel, emotional indexrise.
How to make a couple who are more noisy and more in love?
Here are 4 tricks you shouldn’t miss!
Mystery 1 is just talking about things. Does n’t hurt the innocent. When there is a spat, does your brain seem to have a database, as long as the people related to the other party, whether they are parents, friends, or colleagues and neighbors, will “kill without pardon”?
A simple dispute, but because of your “fire”, extended from him: his parents did not invite you to dinner last year; his dead party wearing “open crotch pants” is very ignorant, often come to your home to cheat. to the end, you say a hurtful sentence: “I wish I was single!
“A British psychologist points out that you must not drag a lot of old things during a quarrel, and don’t hit each other’s family, friends, colleagues, and bosses, otherwise the battlefield will be infinitely expanded and the problem you originally wanted to solve is solvedNope.
Psychologists suggest that you ask yourself three questions 30 seconds before the war: First, what is making you angry?
Second, is this matter terrible and needs to be resolved through quarrels?
Third, can quarrels solve the problem?
After answering these three questions, you will find that some things are not worth arguing at all.
Mystery 2 retreats and advances. From complaint to communication, “sugar-coated shells” are sometimes more powerful than real firearms, because men usually eat soft and not hard.
The “highest realm” of the art of quarreling is that he neither makes a roar of a lion in his nose by pointing at his nose, nor treats him fiercely with three chapters, or even “should be softened”.
Sandy planned to introduce her husband to her high school classmates when she attended the class reunion, but her husband was one hour late, and he simply greeted Sandy’s classmates and left the venue in a hurry.
When the party ended, Sandy’s anger could no longer be suppressed, and she began to blame her husband: “You are always like this!
Those are the dead parties I have n’t met in 5 years. How can you be so indifferent to others?
“But my husband didn’t feel that he had done something wrong:” Why should I listen to you?
“A civil war broke out like this.
Psychologists suggest that when you encounter this situation, you can’t stop accusing him of accusing him of being too rude to your friends, and it’s better to calmly understand him.
For example, “If you just disappear without saying a word, it’s really hard for me to do it because there are a lot of topics about you to talk to you.
“In this way, you become a victim, and no longer a hysteria accuser, which will also lay a good foundation for further communication between you.
Secret Concentration 3 focuses on firepower, do not quarrel air-to-air. Ms. Li has just emerged from a failed marriage recently. The reason for her breakup with her husband is simple: the escalating argument.
Two people often quarrel over trivial matters, quarrel over which restaurant to eat dinner, when to have children, and even quarrel over inappropriate adjectives in a sentence.
Marriage gradually lost its original tenderness in such bad argument.
Finally, some days after two years of marriage, the tired husband filed a divorce petition.
Ms. Li blamed “disharmony” on the breakdown of the marriage, but one week after the divorce, her husband and her had a long conversation that surprised her: What the husband “revenges” is what Ms. Li said in each dispute”Qi”.
Psychologists believe that many couples quarrel to the end, they have developed into a “complaint meeting.” You can’t wait to get your heart out, but he is misunderstood. In this way, almost all of the quarrels will be over.
So, how can we communicate effectively when arguing?
Experts made three “no” suggestions.
Say “I” and not “You”.
“You treat me this way?
“” You’re ill again.
Is this familiar?
When we began to condemn the other party with the “you” sentence, we have already forced the other party into a corner of self-defense.
The other person thinks you are judging under chaos. The first natural reaction is to defend yourself and then counterattack.
When the defense system was established, communication stopped immediately.
“You don’t take me out to play, and I want to thank you for giving me freedom!
“Taunt is a lame trick often used by couples in quarrels, only to irritate each other.
However, the gravity effect of this trick is very large, it will cause huge damage to both parties, and it is likely to give the relationship itself a lot of points at once.
Don’t interrupt him.
Rob him or interrupt him. You think you know exactly what he wants to say. This is nothing more than an excuse.
If you refuse to listen, how can the other person listen to you?
Tell the other party what you understand, step by step to determine if this is what he wants to express.
When arguing, often use “Do you mean .?”
“,” What do you mean . “repeat what the other person said, and if there is an error, let him correct your misunderstanding, so as to achieve the purpose of listening.
Secret 4 Don’t fight the consumable cold war. Although the trick is not very bright, but everyone likes to use it, that is the cold war.
After the quarrel, they did n’t answer the other party ‘s phone, deliberately “forgot” the temporary agreement, or moved to their parents ‘house in a hurry . A match in the Cold War took place with patience. It depends on who chooses to compromise first, and what is left out is affection.
Experts suggest that you don’t think about punishing each other in various ways, because you also punish yourself at the same time.
When you wander aimlessly on the street and want to go home later, it is better to warm up the feelings after the quarrel with a positive attitude: go home to eat together; do not hesitate to answer the call he made after you quarrelA call, unless you never want to answer his call, what is the difference between the first call and the fifth call?
After the editor: A family psychologist said it well: Most of the couples’ quarrels have no results. It is impossible to know who is right and who is wrong. Sometimes it is just a choice.
Therefore, quarreling between husband and wife is not terrible. The key is that both parties should understand some art of quarreling, so that the bond of love becomes tighter and tighter, so as to avoid any impact.